Crap on a cracker! It's been FOREVER since I wrote a blog. Funny how I do good for a while then I fall off the planet. Now when I'm freaking out, here I am, writing a blog. I try my damnedest not to be negative but I need to be honest for a few minutes.
Things have been crazy. The past few months have flown by. We will be leaving our military life behind in just TWO MONTHS. One minute I'm excited. The next I'm terrified. Then sad. Mad. Thrilled. Scared. Anxious. Hopeful. Dreadful. Then I pull my little Scarlett O'Hara routine and say, "I'll think about it tomorrow." Well...I'm running out of tomorrows. We started packing non essentials. Robert has been looking for jobs non stop. The only immediate neighbors I can actually stand to be around have packed up their house and, while still in the area, are gone from next door. They have been the only constant since we got here. I think that is what is bothering me the most. It's real now. The Lopez Family is gone, and we are next.
No big deal, right? Well...to most people, no. But we have no idea where we are going. No idea where he will be working. And I have 2 months til I have to be out of this house. Yeah, we will still have Army pay for a few months after, but still. I may be doing a LOT better than I was emotionally, but this would take it's toll on anyone. Not to mention allllllllllllllll of this happens right around Christmas. And Christmas is never a good time for me to begin with.
I'm so stressed I can't seem to function. I feel like I should definitely have the World's Worst Mom Banner and have to wear it around everywhere. I just realized I haven't checked Kassidy's school blog in over a month. I forget about reading time every night. She should be practicing her writing. I just feel like I've completely failed at all her school stuff. I know there are kids who are TRULY neglected, I see them every day. But damn, if I still don't feel like one of the worst... Today, I got so fed up with the neighborhood kids AND mine, I went out yelling about them leaving the gate open when they weren't even supposed to be in the back yard. Turns out my husband was in the back yard. (The kids had been, but they had shut the gate.) Cue the temper tantrum of me slamming the door and crying on my couch.
I would give just about anything for a bottle of wine, sitting and watching the ocean. Sad thing is, I wouldn't be able to sit there long enough to drink a bottle of wine, and it's been so long since I've had wine, I might not make it home if I did! I need a break. I real break. Not the mental kind. Already there, it's not helping.
On a funny (and serious) note: I love my husband dearly. But he has been off work for nearly 3 weeks. I'm pretty confident that that is not helping ANY of this. He NEEDS to go to work. I can't miss him if he's up my butt all the time!
I know I know, it will all be fine. Everything will work out. Everything will fall in to place. Yada yada yada. I'm sure it will. But it just doesn't feel like it today. Today. I want to cry. And freak out. And punish all the stupid people.....
Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooosaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
No comments:
Post a Comment