Princess Jingle Has Returned!

   I'm sure a lot of you have an Elf on the Shelf. We got ours last year. Santa ran into Daddy in Germany when he was on his way home from Afghanistan and he gave her to him to bring home. Kassidy named her Princess Jingle. Well, this year we decided to have a North Pole Breakfast after I saw a million posts about it on pinterest. You can find all those million ideas: here.

   I got to thinking (uh oh! We all know that's dangerous!) and decided that BOTH girls needed an elf. That way when they are adults and want to pass the tradition on to their children, they will each have one. I went to Target and got most of the stuff for our breakfast. I swear that store has it all. And I wanted it ALL! LOL I got paper straws, Santa Cups, Santa Cocoa, a cupcake decorating kit, plates. I think it was more fun than shopping for Christmas gifts.

   Last night I set everything up. This morning I got up and made the special treats. The white donuts were made with the cupcake kit. It came with candy canes and North Pole sticker signs. I sprinkled the sugar that was meant for the cupcakes on the tray to look like snow. The Reindeer Donuts were just chocolate donuts with a red M&M for the nose and pretzel antlers. Let me tell ya, those antlers were a pain in the booty! You go through a lot of pretzels trying to break them into the right shape! HAHA!

   I left Arrington's elf in the box for the event. Princess Jingle brought her now that Arrington is old enough to have her own elf. Let's be honest. The more elves you have the more fun it can be! The breakfast was a HUGE SUCCESS! The girls have been talking about it all morning long. Arrington keeps going to the table to look at her elf. Kassidy remembers all the stuff her elf did last year and keeps guessing what the elves are going to do this time. If you are on the fence about the elf on the shelf, my opinion is: GO FOR IT! What are you waiting for? It's so much fun for the kids (ok ok, it's fun for the adults too!). And it will create life long memories and traditions that can be handed down for generations to come.


         

Holy Emotional Roller Coaster!

   Crap on a cracker! It's been FOREVER since I wrote a blog. Funny how I do good for a while then I fall off the planet. Now when I'm freaking out, here I am, writing a blog. I try my damnedest not to be negative but I need to be honest for a few minutes.

   Things have been crazy. The past few months have flown by. We will be leaving our military life behind in just TWO MONTHS. One minute I'm excited. The next I'm terrified. Then sad. Mad. Thrilled. Scared. Anxious. Hopeful. Dreadful. Then I pull my little Scarlett O'Hara routine and say, "I'll think about it tomorrow." Well...I'm running out of tomorrows. We started packing non essentials. Robert has been looking for jobs non stop. The only immediate neighbors I can actually stand to be around have packed up their house and, while still in the area, are gone from next door. They have been the only constant since we got here. I think that is what is bothering me the most. It's real now. The Lopez Family is gone, and we are next.

   No big deal, right? Well...to most people, no. But we have no idea where we are going. No idea where he will be working. And I have 2 months til I have to be out of this house. Yeah, we will still have Army pay for a few months after, but still. I may be doing a LOT better than I was emotionally, but this would take it's toll on anyone. Not to mention allllllllllllllll of this happens right around Christmas. And Christmas is never a good time for me to begin with.

   I'm so stressed I can't seem to function. I feel like I should definitely have the World's Worst Mom Banner and have to wear it around everywhere. I just realized I haven't checked Kassidy's school blog in over a month. I forget about reading time every night. She should be practicing her writing. I just feel like I've completely failed at all her school stuff. I know there are kids who are TRULY neglected, I see them every day. But damn, if I still don't feel like one of the worst... Today, I got so fed up with the neighborhood kids AND mine, I went out yelling about them leaving the gate open when they weren't even supposed to be in the back yard. Turns out my husband was in the back yard. (The kids had been, but they had shut the gate.) Cue the temper tantrum of me slamming the door and crying on my couch.

   I would give just about anything for a bottle of wine, sitting and watching the ocean. Sad thing is, I wouldn't be able to sit there long enough to drink a bottle of wine, and it's been so long since I've had wine, I might not make it home if I did! I need a break. I real break. Not the mental kind. Already there, it's not helping.

   On a funny (and serious) note: I love my husband dearly. But he has been off work for nearly 3 weeks. I'm pretty confident that that is not helping ANY of this. He NEEDS to go to work. I can't miss him if he's up my butt all the time!

I know I know, it will all be fine. Everything will work out. Everything will fall in to place. Yada yada yada. I'm sure it will. But it just doesn't feel like it today. Today. I want to cry. And freak out. And punish all the stupid people.....







Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooosaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Unanswered Prayers or Something Like That

 
   Today hubby had an appointment that could determine our future. It was a Med Board appointment. (For all of you non military people, that is basically an appointment to decide if he can be medically retired instead of finishing up his enlistment.) Since his enlistment is almost up, and it could mean receiving a percentage of his pay once he gets out, we were hoping they would go for it.

   Well, it didn't end up that way. Because the issue he has is treatable, they can't med board him. Of course we don't have the results of his TBI screening, so it could still change. But they did figure out the doc they sent him to before was a joke, so they are sending him to see an orthopedic surgeon for his knee, which may end up in surgery. So I'm gonna call that a win! Time will tell, but he gets out in less than a year, so there isn't too much time.

   At first I was disappointed. Then I realized that maybe what we thought we wanted wasn't such a good idea. Yeah, it could mean a few decent benefits for him. But would they make up for difficulty in finding a job due to his disabled status? I know a lot of people hire "disabled vets". Or they claim to. But his issues are something he works through every day. For him not to be hired for a job because of it, even though he could perform the duties associated with it would be worse! He isn't the type who can sit at a desk. He needs to work outside and stay active. He can't be sentenced to a desk job because of his back pain and knee problems. He will deal with them like he always has.

   I guess my point is: Be careful what you wish for. Or if you get a response you didn't want, look at it another way. It may turn in to just the response you needed!

   No matter what the outcome, I know we will manage. We will make the best of whatever life throws at us, and we will do it together. I am proud of my husband's military service and I always will be, but it's time for us to be a civilian family. He has earned it. And I will be just as proud of him no matter what job he has next.

P.S. The song Unanswered Prayers came to mind and was the inspiration for this. And it is also because a friends Dad pointed out that hubby looks like Garth Brooks! HAHAHA I hadn't thought about it, but he kinda does. (A younger Garth, that is!)

What REALLY matters

 
   Living here in Virginia has been an eye opener for me. I mean I had friends and lost friends at Fort Benning. But if I thought that place had a lot of fake people, I was mistaken. I have made friends, lost friends, been used and abused since we moved here. More than I ever have in my life. Some of it was my fault. I wasn't exactly my true self until almost a year ago. But since then, I have become more positive, and in some cases more oblivious to how fake people can be. I'm starting to realize it. I just have to keep in mind that it's not me, it's them. Some people seem nice, but in reality all they care about it what you can do for them. They never return the favor. They only come to you to complain, never to talk about happy things. I used to be that girl. But I'm not anymore. I started slipping recently, but I caught myself. No more!

   Yesterday I talked to my mom. She took my oldest daughter (when did she become a TEEN!?!) and her friend to a concert. While they were walking across the street, the girls started freaking out. Two of the band members were crossing in the opposite direction and said "hi" to them. I cracked up when she was telling me the story. I can imagine Sarah's face! And what a cool memory that she will have and be able to cherish forever. I miss her and her sisters more than they will ever know.

   I also sat outside with my little girls for a bit before making dinner. Arrington refuses to wear shoes. When you ask her "Where's your shoes?" She says, "I don't need shoes! I don't WANT shoes!" So be it. No shoes for her. I came across Kassidy sitting in the grass in her Rapunzel dress playing with her hair and singing. So glad I had my camera!

   In less than a month I get to go home. It has been almost a year, so I can't wait. I think part of my problem is that I miss my family and Georgia. Virginia claims to be the south, but nothing is the same to me as Georgia. It is home. The way my husband (and ALL Texans) feel about Texas, is the way I feel about The Peach State.

   I know this is a rambling blog. But I have finally come to the conclusion that I have been working up to for a long time. Friends are nice. Family is better.I have an amazing Mom. And awesome Dad. A wise and beautiful Grandma who is my role model.  All FIVE of my daughters are amazing miracles who get bigger every day. My husband is fantastic. He's not perfect and neither am I, but we make it work.

   After being so busy with shooting, editing, and spending time with my husband and little girls in between, and not having much time for social media other than my photography, I realized that family matters. Family matters more than friends. More than BBQs. More than concerts. More than date nights. More than facebook. More than a social life. I am not in high school. When I get home and have family that I trust nearby, I will have date nights every now and then. But until then, I am happy with my husband and my girls.

   Robert IS my best friend. For life. Til death do us part. Yeah, sometimes I want to strangle him. But I don't. And that's how you know he's my soul mate! HA HA! Kassidy is a handful and a half. But some times, she makes a good choice and I tell her how proud I am of her, and her face lights up and things are wonderful. Arrington is only 2. But her personality is incredible. She's the best "mini best friend" a mom can ask for. My older girls are miracles in their own right. If I start, I will never finish. But they are awesome. And a lot of it I can't take credit for. But they make me proud all the time.

I'm not trying to discount the true friendships I have here. I have a couple of friends who are pretty darn cool. One friendship is just beginning. Another has been around and stuck around even when I pushed her away. The other is country, sassy, honest (even when it makes me mad) and everything I like in a friend. Friends are good to have. But you really only need a few good ones! And family. You need family. Even when you think you don't. Hug them tight. You never know when it will be the last time.(A friend reminded me of this today.) Now, I'm going to turn off the computer, put my little ones down for a nap, enjoy the peace, and then hopefully play outside with them before the rain hits.

My dreamer.

Full of spunk!

My hero in more ways than one!

Can't wait to have an updated photo of them! 

Kindergarten!!!! When did this happen??

   We had Kindergarten registration today. For Kassidy. For NEXT year. It's April. School isn't even out yet and she doesn't go until September. I seriously think that if people had to do this much paperwork before getting pregnant, the human race would be DOOMED! I have writer's cramp, for real! Not to mention, allllllll of that for a school system who has "half day" Kindergarten. Their "half" a day consists of TWO HOURS... I definitely don't understand this, but we will be moving half way through the year, so I guess it will have to do.

   I have to say, I was pretty impressed with myself. I had everything together and ready to go with the exception of her shot record. And her physical, but I can't do that before May. The registration went great. They had it set up so the kids went with the teachers and got to ride the bus without Mommy and Daddy. They got to have fun and learn about the bus, and we could focus on killing a thousand trees in an hour! LOL

   When did she go from my itty bitty baby, to a kid who not only has no problem walking away with a teacher and not looking back, but who was excited about it!?! She is thrilled to death about "turning 5 and going to Kindergarten". She can't wait to ride the bus to school. We had her in Pre K but it was a glorified day care with no discipline so we pulled her out. Hopefully kindergarten goes better!

   I'm ok with Kassidy starting school. I think when Arrington (the baby of the family) starts, I may need an inpatient facility. The older kids are blossoming in all kinds of ways....And the boys are noticing! When that happens with Kassidy and Arrington, DADDY is gonna need inpatient care! LOL

Dear PTSD- GO AWAY!

   This type of blog is rare for me. It isn't going to be positive. It's going to be raw, emotion filled, and angry. If you can't handle that, stop reading. This is part of the life I live. I don't have the choice to ignore it. But sometimes I need to get it out of my system. This is the best way for me to do it. Consider yourself warned.

   My husband was FINALLY officially diagnosed with PTSD recently. At the time I felt relief. We finally had a diagnosis and it was on paper so people couldn't deny it. We had always known it was there. So nothing would really change, right? WRONG. He began having a lot of appointments. The past week and a half he has had to drive 45 minutes away every day for a PTSD clinic. He says it's helping him. But then he yells. He yells at me. He yells at the kids. He is easily irritated. This wasn't happening before. Add to that the fact that our only vehicle was having mechanical issues. He was always gone dealing with that when he wasn't at his clinic. I was beginning to feel like I never see him and when I did he was in a bad mood. Thank goodness we finally got the truck figured out. But the rest is still there. I have felt like I was just going through the motions. Only my motions aren't like everyone else's. I have to go into the kitchen and make sure he remembered to put the milk away or turn off the oven. Make sure the windows are rolled up on the truck and the doors are locked. I have to remind him for the 34th time that you can't wash the 4 year old's ballet leotard with the rest of the clothes. I have to find out that it's stifling hot upstairs because he forgot to shut the front door all the way and it blew open and was freezing downstairs so the heat ran continuously. I have to deal with an attitude if I remind him of something because he is pissed about forgetting. Even though he tells me to remind him.

   Before everyone attacks me, hear me out. I love my husband. I hate that he has to go through this. It breaks my heart watching him have anxiety attacks. But, at the risk of sounding selfish, what about me? I feel like everything is poor him. I posted a status on facebook last night about a rough evening in our house. Someone commented "Poor Robert!". Looking back at it reasonably, this person didn't know everything that had happened, only what I had written. But it still caused me to burst into tears. It feels like that ALL THE TIME. There are things that have happened in our relationship that we keep between us. But sometimes I want to scream it from the roof tops because I feel like everyone just feels bad for him. Like it's not his fault. I feel like sometimes PTSD gives him a constant "get out of trouble" card. An excuse. I'm not perfect. Neither is he. But we still have to have consequences. It feels like there is all of this help for him. But there is virtually nothing for the spouses. Sure we can go to therapists. But if they are civilians and have never dealt with the situation, it's very difficult to talk to them. Even the clinic he is attending acknowledges that they need to have a class for spouses, but they don't know how to go about it. 

   The difference between me and a lot of spouses who deal with PTSD is I didn't really know him well before his worst traumas occurred. But I can tell you, it's just as hard. He wasn't like this when he first came home. I guess it can have a delayed effect. I don't know. And I'm guessing the two deployments since didn't help either. The stress of the Army in general. Every day stresses of life. It still sucks. It's still hard every single day. For our whole family. PTSD isn't in individual disease. It affects everyone in the person's circle. Parents, spouses, friends, children. It hurts. It hurts to feel like sometimes he doesn't care. It hurts to watch my daughter's face when he tells her no to something just because it's the first thing he can think of to say rather than listening to what she is asking for. It hurts to watch him be so angry and not know why. And it hurts for him to direct it at me. 

   Don't get me wrong, 90% of the time he is an amazing husband and father. I know that what I deal with is mild compared to what others go through. He isn't violent. He doesn't hurt me physically. He has progressed in so many ways. But it doesn't hurt me any less. Emotional pain is still pain. I have tried to pretend like everything is so great. Like if I kept telling myself that then it would be. Positive thinking only goes so far. Most of the time it works. I can put on a happy face for my kids and other people in my life. Last night after the kids had gone to bed, my happy face broke. I don't know why, other than the fact that you can only bottle things up so much until it overflows. 

   I don't really know why I wrote this. I don't REALLY want sympathy, just for people to realize and maybe acknowledge that it isn't just the soldier who deals with this. These wars have created an internal hell for many many people. Not just the ones who went into battle. They come home and it's a battle for all of us. It's a battle I'm not going to lose either. Walking away isn't the answer. I'm going to keep fighting. This disease won't beat this family. I may have crappy days and cry and be mad and want to run and hide. But I won't actually do it. He deserves better than that. And I deserve the husband I love, not the broken version. Our truck was broken. We tried a lot of different things before we finally found the right one and fixed it. I know that this is a process. I know it's going to be hard and frustrating. But it will also be worth it. 

Iraq:He made a difference!

 
   As almost everyone who reads this is aware, my husband has served in the Army since 2006. This includes two deployments to Iraq and one most recently to Afghanistan. His second tour in Iraq wasn't as "bad" as his first. But it will probably be much more memorable. I remembered him talking about this guy named "Troy" that he worked with. All the other soldiers talked about him too. Troy is not his real name, just the name he went by. At the time he was an interpreter for our Army in Iraq. He was young. By my math, just 18 or 19 years old? I always heard good things about him. Funny stories too!

  Well, Robert returned home. I still heard stories about Troy from time to time. Then after we had moved to Virginia, Robert got a message from Troy on Facebook. He was asking if would allow him to send papers from the government here to us because the mail system in Iraq was non existent. All we had to do was get it, scan it, and email it to him. As it turned out, he was trying to come to the U.S! We haven't talked about it much, but we did it. After some back and forth, Troy made it to Texas last year! I mailed him all of his paperwork that we had been saving for him.

   A couple of weeks ago, Robert got another message from Troy. He told him he was joining the Army. He wasn't sure what his job was going to be yet, but he had done very well on the ASVAB. Then today while we were at the commissary he got another message. Troy is going to be a medic. My face lit up with a huge goofy smile. And I watched my soldier husband tear up in the middle of the snack aisle. Most soldiers who have been to Iraq can't point to someone or something later in life and say, "THERE! That is where I made a difference." My husband can. He didn't look at this guy and say, "No, you're Iraqi, I'm not helping you." He knew in his heart that this young man could do great things if given the opportunity. So he helped him. Did he do anything major? No. He gave him a mailing address to use. But not everyone would have done that. To Troy, it was everything. He has been nothing but appreciative and excited to be here. He is a wonderful guy who is giving back to the country who is helping him. Whether you agree with the wars or not, sometimes, even when you think we aren't making a difference, we are. And sometimes, if you make a difference in one person's life, it can make the bigger picture seem more worth it. I know it did for my husband today. He went through some hell during his Iraq tours. But he made a difference. I am so proud of both of them. I can't wait to meet Troy one day!

Love, a REAL D-A-T-E, and Exciting Things to Come!

   We had a fairly uneventful Valentine's Day. Took a few fun pics of the kids. Daddy gave them their gifts. They opened some cards they got from family:

Best I could do. LOL

Arrington wasn't thrilled about the photos, as you can see!

From Daddy

   The real fun came on Friday! Robert and I got to go on a DATE! Like a REAL date. No kids. At The Cheesecake Factory! It was so awesome! We haven't had a real date in quite a while. It definitely reminded me that we need more time like that. Not every weekend or anything, but at least every couple of months. Just time to enjoy each other when we don't have to be in our Mommy and Daddy roles. It was so nice! I am so grateful that I have friends I can leave my kids with and not stress. And Kassidy went to Parents' Night Out at her Ballet School and had a BLAST! 

He got me a Charmed Memories bracelet! with 6 charms! 

The 7th charm is my Scentsy Charm I earned when one of my recruits met a goal.

See what I mean? Took GREAT care of her! LOL

Before anyone freaks out because they don't have common sense. This is a J-O-K-E!

  After our date I was completely wiped out because I had been sick all week. But I'm glad I went. I was in bed all day on Saturday. Thank goodness Robert was able to take Kassie to Ballet. When I finally got up, I was discussing my little business with him. For those of you who don't know, I sell Scentsy! I love the product and the company. Well, every year they have mini one day conventions all over the country in the Spring and a big convention in the Summer. I missed out on Spring Sprint this year because I was stubborn. Robert knew I wanted to go to the convention. It's totally out of character for me because I am actually somewhat shy in new situations. Especially places where I barely know anyone. He told me to sign up! And I DID! So in July I will be traveling to Indianapolis! I am so excited! I want to make this more than just a hobby. I love these products and I love what the company stands for. If you want to learn more about Scentsy you can look around my website here.  

The "R" Word

   I think maybe I haven't explained in enough detail about why I hate the "R" word. So I figured I would write about it. I'm not trying to point fingers or make people angry. I just need to get this out, for me.

   I have an awesome Uncle. He is the kindest man I have ever met. He would do anything for anyone. Literally! Even people who don't deserve it. He would even do anything for you after you made fun of him, because he probably wouldn't catch on. I realized he was different when I was around 11 or 12, I think. He has a mental handicap. But his soul is far more wonderful than a lot of people I talk to on a daily basis.

   My mother and her other brother grew up defending my uncle. People can be very cruel. My family is amazing. They have taught me so much about life and respect and kindness.The "R" word was never allowed in our house. I will admit I used to use it to indicate something "stupid" when I got older. It became a habit. But as I grew up (and by that I mean within the past few years) I realized that just because everyone else says something, it doesn't mean it's ok. Just like using the word "gay" in a negative way. I broke the habit really fast! Everyone should.

   I know that there is a new fad about NOT being politically correct. But there is a difference between being politically correct and respecting someone. Yeah, I get that we have freedom of speech. But why not just be nice? The cashier you made fun of at the grocery store probably didn't even notice because he was too busy busting his ass more than anyone else so he could keep his job (and he didn't stop smiling the whole time). But I noticed. The stock guy that tells you the dog food is good for your dog because the package says it "has vegetables in it." was probably told that by some mean teenagers who thought it would be funny because he couldn't read. Don't laugh. The little girl with down syndrome who is smiling and quietly "petting" your hand isn't contagious. She is expressing herself probably in the only way she can. Smile back at her! Don't jerk your hand away. The little boy with Autism who is scared of you every time you see him might finally warm up if you play Thomas the Train with him. (Miss you Dilly!) These people I described are human beings. How do I know? Because I have met them all at some point in my life. And my life (sometimes from just the few moments I spent with them) has changed for the better.

   So the next time you call something or someone "retarded" or make an obnoxious gesture indicating the word in my presence, just remember what I have written. I try not to judge, and I may not say anything, but a small piece of my heart breaks every time. To me, you are making fun of my Uncle, or the little boy that took me days to get through to, or the cashier who was so nice to me, or the little girl who only wanted a smile at the mall. It's not right. It's not funny. It's not cool. It's just mean. It says a lot about your character. Yes, this applies to some of my friends. I try not to make a big deal about it when it happens, but it's time I stood up. People fearing retaliation is the reason it's still acceptable.

   Think about it this way...The "N" word is considered taboo these days (as it should be!) so why can't we do the same for the "R" word? Is it really so much to ask?

 

The 4 letters that actually made me feel relief!

   As most people who read my blog know, my husband is Active Duty Army. He has been deployed 3 times. His first and second deployments were the hardest. (Mostly the 1st.) What's strange is he has gotten progressively worse with mood swings and anger issues through out the years. It wasn't necessarily immediately following a deployment. Did you know this is normal? Well, it is.

  He finally saw an Army doc while in Afghanistan. This doctor was kind of a douche. (Sorry but that's about the nicest way I can describe him!) He handed him a bottle of anxiety meds and sent him on his way. I was happy for that at the time, because he needed them. But there was no follow up. Not ok! So he came home. Ran out of meds over the holiday break...Again, NOT OK!

   He went to the doctors here after the holidays and was given a refill and a referral! SUCCESS... FINALLY! He finally was able to get an appointment and went in today. He filled out paper work and spoke to a psychologist. She diagnosed him with PTSD and Depression. Now some people might expect that I would be upset or sad or crushed or insert-appropriate-reaction-here. But having been married to him for almost 5 years, I already knew. It isn't anything I haven't been dealing with for the past 5 years. It's not the same thing as finding out you have cancer, or some other disease. Most people who are diagnosed with PTSD already know they have it. All I felt was relief. And more than a little happiness at finally having it on paper.

   I'm not writing this for sympathy. I don't need it. He doesn't need it. I just was honestly so excited that someone finally put a name on what is wrong with my husband that I had to share. And now he will be getting treatment for it. As a woman who is madly in love with her husband, I can't tell you how great that feels. It feels like there is light at the end of the tunnel. It has been a really dark tunnel at times. But now there could be an end. It won't be immediate, and I doubt it will ever completely go away. But it's the first step. We have come a long way in our relationship and this will only help it go even further.

   If you are going through this too, never forget that you are your spouse's advocate. I have asked people to stop shooting fireworks on the 4th of July, without hesitation. I have made sure to only buy Mylar Balloons instead of latex because they don't pop. I have stood silently by until he was calm enough to finish our grocery shopping. I have reminded him to go outside if a place is to crowded. . We have left parties and restaurants for the same reason. Soldiers don't always like to seem vulnerable. If you can make something easier, DO IT! Don't throw a hissy fit about it. Just do it. He truly can't help what he has been through.

   You may think to yourself, "Based on what he has told me he can't have PTSD..." Guess what? He probably hasn't told you even a fraction of what he has been through. I know Robert hasn't told me everything. He told me he hasn't. Am I offended? Nope. I honestly don't want to know unless he wants to tell me. Sometimes that is one way they deal with it. It isn't meant to hurt your feelings. Hang in there, there is light at the end of the tunnel for most. They just have to work very hard to get there, and as a spouse, so do you! Never give up. Remind them to make appointments, remind them to take meds if they are prescribed. They might get annoyed, but in the end, they will thank you.

The UN-Pinteresting Party

   So I posted my blog entry Pinterest...You SUCK! a few days ago. Well, we just finished up the party. I must say, the hand cut out Minnies and hand made from scratch Minnie Cupcakes were not missed one bit! We had store bought decorations, made from the box cupcakes, and Minnie's Bow-Tique Goody Bags. Guess what??? I got COMPLIMENTS on how cute the party was! No one asked why I didn't cut out Minnie Ears. No one asked if the cupcakes were made from scratch. And no one spontaneously exploded from lack of home made decor! It's a miracle! I can't believe it! <-----Ok, of course that was sarcasm. LOL

  I DID get some dip recipes from Pinterest. That's one of the things I do enjoy finding on pinterest. I made Catch-A-Man Dip, Beer Dip, and your run of the mill Onion Dip. I also made the cute pretzel buttons and Trix Treats everyone is "pinning" lately. It was all delicious!

  The whole point of all of this, is....If your kid loves it, does it even matter? Do what THEY want. Not what you think everyone expects you to do and it will be the best party ever! Even if your kid cries when you sing Happy Birthday or the dog sneaks off with a Trix Treat!

I also have to give an awesome shout out to Meg Sew Cool, AKA Meaghan! She made this shirt for the party. I ordered it Tuesday and had it in my hands Thursday! She makes AMAZING things! Not just shirts! You should check her out! And also add her on facebook! 

Pinterest...You SUCK.

   Planning a party for a 2 year old these days can easily turn in to the theatrics of planning a wedding 20 years ago. It's insane! The competitive nature of parents these days doesn't help. I got sucked in. I will admit it. I got on pinterest and started pinning every. single. Minnie. Mouse. Item. Then I searched for TWO HOURS for the best way to make the bows for the cute little Minnie ear cupcakes. I hate fondant and wanted an easier way. Two HOURS. (By the way...If you get sucked in as well, there is a lovely youtube video that shows how to make them from Starburst.)

  I had this awesome plan of an adorable pink and white polka dot party. Polka Dot cupcake liners. Pink plates. Pink table cloth. Carefully cut out Minnie Ears every where. Centerpiece made of spray painted styro foam balls made to look like Minnie Ears with flowers and ribbon! I was gonna go ALL OUT!

  Then I started stressing. How do I make the cupcakes? When will I make the centerpiece? How will I find time in between cleaning the house and being a Mom and Wife to cut out all those black construction paper circles for the Minnie Ears? What food should I make? What will we drink? Oh no! Goodie bags! More craftiness I have to pull out of nowhere!

   We decided to go to Party City to get supplies. I knew full well I would have to go to a craft store as well, because Party City couldn't possibly have all the stuff I need. Then...It happened. I walked down the wrong aisle. Arrington saw the Minnie's Bow-Tique section. All the cheapo, Made in China, cartoon crap that you will probably NOT see on Pinterest because it's not "trendy" enough. Her face lit up. She said "Minnnnnnnnnie!" And...It was over. I bought just about every single Made in China crappy cartoon item they had, right down to the plastic goody bags and toys. We are going back on Saturday for the balloons.

   At first, I felt a little deflated. I wanted it to be a certain way. Then I stopped and realized a few things. Most importantly, it's HER party! She isn't going to care when she's older that I cut out all those Minnie Ears by hand til I had blisters or made Minnie Bows out of melted Starburst til I burned off my finger prints.To be honest, she won't remember much about it besides the pictures. And she will know we loved her because we are all wearing cheesy Minnie and Mickey ears. Minnie and Mickey Ears that we bought at Party City to go with her cheesy Minnie's Bow-Tique Decorations that were made in China! And you know what? She is going to love it. Believe it or not, this was CHEAPER! And Pinterest.....You can SUCK IT!

P.S. Stay tuned for photos from the UN-Pinteresty Party. You can PIN IT! HAHAHAHAHA

My Hero, My Heart, and My Promise to Him

   So, I was sitting here thinking because it is so quiet in my house. Here is my rambling result.

    I am home today with just Arrington because Kassidy has school, and Robert went to school with her. For the whole day! He did this willingly. I mentioned that we have to have a certain number of volunteer hours and told him how many we have so far. He decided he would go during his leave. I told him he didn't have to go for the whole day. He responded with, "Why not? We need the hours and I might as well stay the whole time."  I didn't have to beg. Hell, I didn't even have to ASK. He wants to do it.

   He is getting out of the Army in the next year or so. He immediately started looking for jobs in Georgia or as close to Georgia as we can get, so we can be close to the older girls. Again, I didn't beg, I didn't even ask. They aren't his biological children, but that doesn't mean anything to him. He loves them and misses them as much as I do. Would he like to go home to Texas when he gets out? Ummmmm he's a Texan! What do you think!?! It is yet another sacrifice he makes for our family because he loves us.

   I know y'all are thinking, "BARF! I know he drives you nuts sometimes...." Well duh! What marriage doesn't involve the couple wanting to strangle each other once in a while? Yes, he uses one knife for both the peanut butter AND the jelly (this is like the worst thing ever BTW). He never puts the new roll of toilet paper on the toilet paper holder. He leaves the milk out on the counter. He tracks in dirt and doesn't seem to even realize it. But it isn't anything I can't deal with. We joke about it sometimes and then other times it annoys the hell out of me. But, if you truly love someone, the little stupid every day things don't matter.

   There are some things we have to deal with that a lot of people don't. Sometimes we can joke about them, sometimes it's just frustrating, and sometimes it makes me very sad. We are finally pretty sure he qualifies as having PTSD. (Of course there is a lot more to the diagnosis and we are just at the beginning.) He has pretty bad hearing loss on top of it. Now a lot of people in my life know about PTSD. But a lot don't. Most people think loud noises, fireworks, etc are the only triggers. It can literally be anything. A crowded grocery store. Driving under a bridge. Your kids being a little extra crazy. And it doesn't always manifest as rage. It can show up as depression, anxiety, hyperactivity. The fun part, is you never know what trigger will cause what reaction. And sometimes a normal trigger doesn't even cause a reaction. So it's literally like your life is a giant game of Russian Roulette. So much fun.....NOT!

   In Robert's case, he also has short term memory problems. We aren't really sure if that is caused by PTSD or something else, but it didn't start until after his first deployment. Add together anxiety, memory loss and hearing loss and you will find yourself in an interesting little situation. You ask your spouse to do something. He is sitting 3 feet away. Three days later he still hasn't done it. Of course you are frustrated and angry. But then you think, did he hear me? Did he forget? Or does he just not care? Being that I am human, I tend to get an attitude regardless of the fact that sometimes he really can't help it. It can be very frustrating to have to remember all the important stuff, especially when you yourself have pretty bad ADD! Yes, we fight. But we almost always talk it out. I have learned to truly apologize when I know I am out of line, even though my pride hates me for it sometimes. I have learned that life doesn't have to be lived the way I want it to be by everyone who is a part of my life. I have learned to adjust. It took me 31 years and a lot of soul searching and "Mom Talks", but I'm getting there. Sometimes I need reminding, but nobody's perfect!

   I know that Robert is the love of my life. I know that he was put in my life for a reason. This is my promise to him: I promise to talk louder if I have to, so that you hear me. I promise to annoy you by asking if you heard me to make extra sure. I promise to ATTEMPT to not get mad if you did hear me, but you forgot to take the trash out even though I reminded you 3 times. I promise to ask you every day if you took your anxiety meds (and I hope you do the same for me.) I promise to freak out when the Army refuses to let you attend an important appointment that is needed to get the appropriate care,BUT I promise not to make a scene at your job, even though I will want to when they don't make sure you are taken care of. I promise to fight for you. I promise to do every bit of research I can to make you better or improve your quality of life with this illness. Once you are no longer active duty I promise I will fight the VA for everything you deserve if it is necessary. I promise to make sure people respect you and know what you did for your country and your family, no matter how old you are and regardless if you are capable of explaining it to them or not. I promise to be proud of you for the rest of my life not only for what you have done for our country, but simply for what you have done for me. You are my hero. Not because you are a soldier in the United States Army, but because you are you. You saw me for who I was and not what I had done in my past. You realized that I can be the most stubborn, "my way or the highway", pain in the ass, but that every once in a while, I let that go and can be a decent person. You saw my potential. You had to, because when we met, I wasn't the greatest person. But I am well on my way, and it is because of you. I love you with all of my heart, and will, until the end of time.