The "R" Word

   I think maybe I haven't explained in enough detail about why I hate the "R" word. So I figured I would write about it. I'm not trying to point fingers or make people angry. I just need to get this out, for me.

   I have an awesome Uncle. He is the kindest man I have ever met. He would do anything for anyone. Literally! Even people who don't deserve it. He would even do anything for you after you made fun of him, because he probably wouldn't catch on. I realized he was different when I was around 11 or 12, I think. He has a mental handicap. But his soul is far more wonderful than a lot of people I talk to on a daily basis.

   My mother and her other brother grew up defending my uncle. People can be very cruel. My family is amazing. They have taught me so much about life and respect and kindness.The "R" word was never allowed in our house. I will admit I used to use it to indicate something "stupid" when I got older. It became a habit. But as I grew up (and by that I mean within the past few years) I realized that just because everyone else says something, it doesn't mean it's ok. Just like using the word "gay" in a negative way. I broke the habit really fast! Everyone should.

   I know that there is a new fad about NOT being politically correct. But there is a difference between being politically correct and respecting someone. Yeah, I get that we have freedom of speech. But why not just be nice? The cashier you made fun of at the grocery store probably didn't even notice because he was too busy busting his ass more than anyone else so he could keep his job (and he didn't stop smiling the whole time). But I noticed. The stock guy that tells you the dog food is good for your dog because the package says it "has vegetables in it." was probably told that by some mean teenagers who thought it would be funny because he couldn't read. Don't laugh. The little girl with down syndrome who is smiling and quietly "petting" your hand isn't contagious. She is expressing herself probably in the only way she can. Smile back at her! Don't jerk your hand away. The little boy with Autism who is scared of you every time you see him might finally warm up if you play Thomas the Train with him. (Miss you Dilly!) These people I described are human beings. How do I know? Because I have met them all at some point in my life. And my life (sometimes from just the few moments I spent with them) has changed for the better.

   So the next time you call something or someone "retarded" or make an obnoxious gesture indicating the word in my presence, just remember what I have written. I try not to judge, and I may not say anything, but a small piece of my heart breaks every time. To me, you are making fun of my Uncle, or the little boy that took me days to get through to, or the cashier who was so nice to me, or the little girl who only wanted a smile at the mall. It's not right. It's not funny. It's not cool. It's just mean. It says a lot about your character. Yes, this applies to some of my friends. I try not to make a big deal about it when it happens, but it's time I stood up. People fearing retaliation is the reason it's still acceptable.

   Think about it this way...The "N" word is considered taboo these days (as it should be!) so why can't we do the same for the "R" word? Is it really so much to ask?

 

The 4 letters that actually made me feel relief!

   As most people who read my blog know, my husband is Active Duty Army. He has been deployed 3 times. His first and second deployments were the hardest. (Mostly the 1st.) What's strange is he has gotten progressively worse with mood swings and anger issues through out the years. It wasn't necessarily immediately following a deployment. Did you know this is normal? Well, it is.

  He finally saw an Army doc while in Afghanistan. This doctor was kind of a douche. (Sorry but that's about the nicest way I can describe him!) He handed him a bottle of anxiety meds and sent him on his way. I was happy for that at the time, because he needed them. But there was no follow up. Not ok! So he came home. Ran out of meds over the holiday break...Again, NOT OK!

   He went to the doctors here after the holidays and was given a refill and a referral! SUCCESS... FINALLY! He finally was able to get an appointment and went in today. He filled out paper work and spoke to a psychologist. She diagnosed him with PTSD and Depression. Now some people might expect that I would be upset or sad or crushed or insert-appropriate-reaction-here. But having been married to him for almost 5 years, I already knew. It isn't anything I haven't been dealing with for the past 5 years. It's not the same thing as finding out you have cancer, or some other disease. Most people who are diagnosed with PTSD already know they have it. All I felt was relief. And more than a little happiness at finally having it on paper.

   I'm not writing this for sympathy. I don't need it. He doesn't need it. I just was honestly so excited that someone finally put a name on what is wrong with my husband that I had to share. And now he will be getting treatment for it. As a woman who is madly in love with her husband, I can't tell you how great that feels. It feels like there is light at the end of the tunnel. It has been a really dark tunnel at times. But now there could be an end. It won't be immediate, and I doubt it will ever completely go away. But it's the first step. We have come a long way in our relationship and this will only help it go even further.

   If you are going through this too, never forget that you are your spouse's advocate. I have asked people to stop shooting fireworks on the 4th of July, without hesitation. I have made sure to only buy Mylar Balloons instead of latex because they don't pop. I have stood silently by until he was calm enough to finish our grocery shopping. I have reminded him to go outside if a place is to crowded. . We have left parties and restaurants for the same reason. Soldiers don't always like to seem vulnerable. If you can make something easier, DO IT! Don't throw a hissy fit about it. Just do it. He truly can't help what he has been through.

   You may think to yourself, "Based on what he has told me he can't have PTSD..." Guess what? He probably hasn't told you even a fraction of what he has been through. I know Robert hasn't told me everything. He told me he hasn't. Am I offended? Nope. I honestly don't want to know unless he wants to tell me. Sometimes that is one way they deal with it. It isn't meant to hurt your feelings. Hang in there, there is light at the end of the tunnel for most. They just have to work very hard to get there, and as a spouse, so do you! Never give up. Remind them to make appointments, remind them to take meds if they are prescribed. They might get annoyed, but in the end, they will thank you.

The UN-Pinteresting Party

   So I posted my blog entry Pinterest...You SUCK! a few days ago. Well, we just finished up the party. I must say, the hand cut out Minnies and hand made from scratch Minnie Cupcakes were not missed one bit! We had store bought decorations, made from the box cupcakes, and Minnie's Bow-Tique Goody Bags. Guess what??? I got COMPLIMENTS on how cute the party was! No one asked why I didn't cut out Minnie Ears. No one asked if the cupcakes were made from scratch. And no one spontaneously exploded from lack of home made decor! It's a miracle! I can't believe it! <-----Ok, of course that was sarcasm. LOL

  I DID get some dip recipes from Pinterest. That's one of the things I do enjoy finding on pinterest. I made Catch-A-Man Dip, Beer Dip, and your run of the mill Onion Dip. I also made the cute pretzel buttons and Trix Treats everyone is "pinning" lately. It was all delicious!

  The whole point of all of this, is....If your kid loves it, does it even matter? Do what THEY want. Not what you think everyone expects you to do and it will be the best party ever! Even if your kid cries when you sing Happy Birthday or the dog sneaks off with a Trix Treat!

I also have to give an awesome shout out to Meg Sew Cool, AKA Meaghan! She made this shirt for the party. I ordered it Tuesday and had it in my hands Thursday! She makes AMAZING things! Not just shirts! You should check her out! And also add her on facebook! 

Pinterest...You SUCK.

   Planning a party for a 2 year old these days can easily turn in to the theatrics of planning a wedding 20 years ago. It's insane! The competitive nature of parents these days doesn't help. I got sucked in. I will admit it. I got on pinterest and started pinning every. single. Minnie. Mouse. Item. Then I searched for TWO HOURS for the best way to make the bows for the cute little Minnie ear cupcakes. I hate fondant and wanted an easier way. Two HOURS. (By the way...If you get sucked in as well, there is a lovely youtube video that shows how to make them from Starburst.)

  I had this awesome plan of an adorable pink and white polka dot party. Polka Dot cupcake liners. Pink plates. Pink table cloth. Carefully cut out Minnie Ears every where. Centerpiece made of spray painted styro foam balls made to look like Minnie Ears with flowers and ribbon! I was gonna go ALL OUT!

  Then I started stressing. How do I make the cupcakes? When will I make the centerpiece? How will I find time in between cleaning the house and being a Mom and Wife to cut out all those black construction paper circles for the Minnie Ears? What food should I make? What will we drink? Oh no! Goodie bags! More craftiness I have to pull out of nowhere!

   We decided to go to Party City to get supplies. I knew full well I would have to go to a craft store as well, because Party City couldn't possibly have all the stuff I need. Then...It happened. I walked down the wrong aisle. Arrington saw the Minnie's Bow-Tique section. All the cheapo, Made in China, cartoon crap that you will probably NOT see on Pinterest because it's not "trendy" enough. Her face lit up. She said "Minnnnnnnnnie!" And...It was over. I bought just about every single Made in China crappy cartoon item they had, right down to the plastic goody bags and toys. We are going back on Saturday for the balloons.

   At first, I felt a little deflated. I wanted it to be a certain way. Then I stopped and realized a few things. Most importantly, it's HER party! She isn't going to care when she's older that I cut out all those Minnie Ears by hand til I had blisters or made Minnie Bows out of melted Starburst til I burned off my finger prints.To be honest, she won't remember much about it besides the pictures. And she will know we loved her because we are all wearing cheesy Minnie and Mickey ears. Minnie and Mickey Ears that we bought at Party City to go with her cheesy Minnie's Bow-Tique Decorations that were made in China! And you know what? She is going to love it. Believe it or not, this was CHEAPER! And Pinterest.....You can SUCK IT!

P.S. Stay tuned for photos from the UN-Pinteresty Party. You can PIN IT! HAHAHAHAHA

My Hero, My Heart, and My Promise to Him

   So, I was sitting here thinking because it is so quiet in my house. Here is my rambling result.

    I am home today with just Arrington because Kassidy has school, and Robert went to school with her. For the whole day! He did this willingly. I mentioned that we have to have a certain number of volunteer hours and told him how many we have so far. He decided he would go during his leave. I told him he didn't have to go for the whole day. He responded with, "Why not? We need the hours and I might as well stay the whole time."  I didn't have to beg. Hell, I didn't even have to ASK. He wants to do it.

   He is getting out of the Army in the next year or so. He immediately started looking for jobs in Georgia or as close to Georgia as we can get, so we can be close to the older girls. Again, I didn't beg, I didn't even ask. They aren't his biological children, but that doesn't mean anything to him. He loves them and misses them as much as I do. Would he like to go home to Texas when he gets out? Ummmmm he's a Texan! What do you think!?! It is yet another sacrifice he makes for our family because he loves us.

   I know y'all are thinking, "BARF! I know he drives you nuts sometimes...." Well duh! What marriage doesn't involve the couple wanting to strangle each other once in a while? Yes, he uses one knife for both the peanut butter AND the jelly (this is like the worst thing ever BTW). He never puts the new roll of toilet paper on the toilet paper holder. He leaves the milk out on the counter. He tracks in dirt and doesn't seem to even realize it. But it isn't anything I can't deal with. We joke about it sometimes and then other times it annoys the hell out of me. But, if you truly love someone, the little stupid every day things don't matter.

   There are some things we have to deal with that a lot of people don't. Sometimes we can joke about them, sometimes it's just frustrating, and sometimes it makes me very sad. We are finally pretty sure he qualifies as having PTSD. (Of course there is a lot more to the diagnosis and we are just at the beginning.) He has pretty bad hearing loss on top of it. Now a lot of people in my life know about PTSD. But a lot don't. Most people think loud noises, fireworks, etc are the only triggers. It can literally be anything. A crowded grocery store. Driving under a bridge. Your kids being a little extra crazy. And it doesn't always manifest as rage. It can show up as depression, anxiety, hyperactivity. The fun part, is you never know what trigger will cause what reaction. And sometimes a normal trigger doesn't even cause a reaction. So it's literally like your life is a giant game of Russian Roulette. So much fun.....NOT!

   In Robert's case, he also has short term memory problems. We aren't really sure if that is caused by PTSD or something else, but it didn't start until after his first deployment. Add together anxiety, memory loss and hearing loss and you will find yourself in an interesting little situation. You ask your spouse to do something. He is sitting 3 feet away. Three days later he still hasn't done it. Of course you are frustrated and angry. But then you think, did he hear me? Did he forget? Or does he just not care? Being that I am human, I tend to get an attitude regardless of the fact that sometimes he really can't help it. It can be very frustrating to have to remember all the important stuff, especially when you yourself have pretty bad ADD! Yes, we fight. But we almost always talk it out. I have learned to truly apologize when I know I am out of line, even though my pride hates me for it sometimes. I have learned that life doesn't have to be lived the way I want it to be by everyone who is a part of my life. I have learned to adjust. It took me 31 years and a lot of soul searching and "Mom Talks", but I'm getting there. Sometimes I need reminding, but nobody's perfect!

   I know that Robert is the love of my life. I know that he was put in my life for a reason. This is my promise to him: I promise to talk louder if I have to, so that you hear me. I promise to annoy you by asking if you heard me to make extra sure. I promise to ATTEMPT to not get mad if you did hear me, but you forgot to take the trash out even though I reminded you 3 times. I promise to ask you every day if you took your anxiety meds (and I hope you do the same for me.) I promise to freak out when the Army refuses to let you attend an important appointment that is needed to get the appropriate care,BUT I promise not to make a scene at your job, even though I will want to when they don't make sure you are taken care of. I promise to fight for you. I promise to do every bit of research I can to make you better or improve your quality of life with this illness. Once you are no longer active duty I promise I will fight the VA for everything you deserve if it is necessary. I promise to make sure people respect you and know what you did for your country and your family, no matter how old you are and regardless if you are capable of explaining it to them or not. I promise to be proud of you for the rest of my life not only for what you have done for our country, but simply for what you have done for me. You are my hero. Not because you are a soldier in the United States Army, but because you are you. You saw me for who I was and not what I had done in my past. You realized that I can be the most stubborn, "my way or the highway", pain in the ass, but that every once in a while, I let that go and can be a decent person. You saw my potential. You had to, because when we met, I wasn't the greatest person. But I am well on my way, and it is because of you. I love you with all of my heart, and will, until the end of time.

Randomness

  So, what does one do when they are super early for a photo shoot (Which you can see here!)  and waiting for people to show up? Well, if you have ADD like I do, you get distracted by sparkly objects. I got my ring fixed and upgraded recently....So I took some cool ring shots! Figured I would share em here, cause it really wasn't worth making a photography blog post about it. LOL And lord knows, Facebook butchers photos to the max!

Oh and this one too!