As most people who read my blog know, my husband is Active Duty Army. He has been deployed 3 times. His first and second deployments were the hardest. (Mostly the 1st.) What's strange is he has gotten progressively worse with mood swings and anger issues through out the years. It wasn't necessarily immediately following a deployment. Did you know this is normal? Well, it is.
He finally saw an Army doc while in Afghanistan. This doctor was kind of a douche. (Sorry but that's about the nicest way I can describe him!) He handed him a bottle of anxiety meds and sent him on his way. I was happy for that at the time, because he needed them. But there was no follow up. Not ok! So he came home. Ran out of meds over the holiday break...Again, NOT OK!
He went to the doctors here after the holidays and was given a refill and a referral! SUCCESS... FINALLY! He finally was able to get an appointment and went in today. He filled out paper work and spoke to a psychologist. She diagnosed him with PTSD and Depression. Now some people might expect that I would be upset or sad or crushed or insert-appropriate-reaction-here. But having been married to him for almost 5 years, I already knew. It isn't anything I haven't been dealing with for the past 5 years. It's not the same thing as finding out you have cancer, or some other disease. Most people who are diagnosed with PTSD already know they have it. All I felt was relief. And more than a little happiness at finally having it on paper.
I'm not writing this for sympathy. I don't need it. He doesn't need it. I just was honestly so excited that someone finally put a name on what is wrong with my husband that I had to share. And now he will be getting treatment for it. As a woman who is madly in love with her husband, I can't tell you how great that feels. It feels like there is light at the end of the tunnel. It has been a really dark tunnel at times. But now there could be an end. It won't be immediate, and I doubt it will ever completely go away. But it's the first step. We have come a long way in our relationship and this will only help it go even further.
If you are going through this too, never forget that you are your spouse's advocate. I have asked people to stop shooting fireworks on the 4th of July, without hesitation. I have made sure to only buy Mylar Balloons instead of latex because they don't pop. I have stood silently by until he was calm enough to finish our grocery shopping. I have reminded him to go outside if a place is to crowded. . We have left parties and restaurants for the same reason. Soldiers don't always like to seem vulnerable. If you can make something easier, DO IT! Don't throw a hissy fit about it. Just do it. He truly can't help what he has been through.
You may think to yourself, "Based on what he has told me he can't have PTSD..." Guess what? He probably hasn't told you even a fraction of what he has been through. I know Robert hasn't told me everything. He told me he hasn't. Am I offended? Nope. I honestly don't want to know unless he wants to tell me. Sometimes that is one way they deal with it. It isn't meant to hurt your feelings. Hang in there, there is light at the end of the tunnel for most. They just have to work very hard to get there, and as a spouse, so do you! Never give up. Remind them to make appointments, remind them to take meds if they are prescribed. They might get annoyed, but in the end, they will thank you.
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